It's time to meet this year's worst movie match-ups.
Two words: Air. Head. (Yes, we know that's technically one word, but it deserved some major emphasis here.) It's hard while watching this movie to not think about the fact that should this brainless pair ever hook up IRL and spew out celebuspawn, we can only imagine the horror their poor kid would go through. "Dude, Where's my Kid????" 9. Jason Segel and Kristen Bell and Russell Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Sure, it's hard to believe that queen-of-crime-TV Sarah Marshall would've ever fallen for the goofy charm of a slightly pudgy composer, but at least writer/actor Jason Segel played him as lovably pathetic. On the other hand, British comedian Russell Brand as Sarah's new Brit-rocker beau came off as an arrogant asshat. Oh, wait, that's because Russell Brand is an asshat.
8. Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston in Marley & Me
I know, I know, this film based on John Grogan's best-selling memoir hasn't even been released yet. I'm just striking preemptively based on what I've seen from these two actors in the past. Aniston couldn't get us to believe her relationship with Vince Vaughn in The Break-Up, even though she was actually having a IRL affair with Vaughn. And as adorable as Wilson is, let's face it, we all imagine him, like, catching some waves dude, or being the perpetually single, slightly pathetic pickup-artist type. The good thing: no one's actually going to pay attention to Aniston or Wilson with a cute little labrador retriever puppy on screen. Aww, you're so cute. Yes you are. Yes you are. Not you, Jen.
7. Colin Firth and Meryl Streep in Mamma Mia!
Colin, we respect your acting pedigree. No one can play a better Mr. Darcy. But it's a good thing your character was gay, because there's no way we can see the delightfully sassy and irristably charming Ms. Streep falling for you. Your reserved British demeanor is stiffer than your starched, perfectly pressed shirts. I imagine kissing you would be exactly as described in the book Twilight - like kissing cold, hard marble. Only you don't have the benefit of being a young, sexy vampire.
6. Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon in Four Christmases
Him avoiding relationship talk, feigning nausea after a baby vomits, and knocking boots with his girlfriend after calling her a bitch, I buy. Her playing board games and wanting a baby, I believe. These two surviving as a couple? Hell. Freakin'. No.
5. Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen in Jumper
Considering Christensen is Anakin Skywalker (and a cutie), Bilson must have been thrilled about the casting of this sci-fi adventure. Too bad that the couple's dialogue fell as flat as my hair by the end of a long day. That means it's back to teenybopper television crap like The OC for Bilson, while Hayden will likely go on to become the next Keanu Reeves. Dude, so not fair.
4. Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man
Yes, we dolls like action films too. Hollywood bad boy Robert Downey Jr. has the perfect blend of arrogance and, well, more arrogance, to pull off the part of Tony Stark, but Oscar-winner Paltrow is just window dressing as sidekick Pepper Potts. Even when Paltrow gets all dolled up in that backless blue gown, Downey just looks at her like she's the semi-cute cousin he had a crush on when he was 10 but now respects from a distance. Because while it's legal to marry your cousin in some
states, um...eeeew.
3. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson in The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Season after season we felt the palpable sexual tension between Mulder and Scully. Apparently, sometime after the series' demise, that tension got kidnapped by aliens. I want to believe that the sexual tension between Mulder and Scully burst in a frenzy of clawing, biting, grasping up-against-the-office-wall sex. But Duchovny and Anderson seem more like they'd be playing dominoes and reminiscing over the good old days before their relationship became the boring, passionless, BFF-forever hell it is now.
2. Téa Leoni and Ricky Gervais in Ghost Town
How apropos that pudgy, dry-witted Brit Ricky Gervais played a dentist in this so-called romantic comedy, because watching his painfully awkward interactions with Téa Leoni could be likened to a root canal. Reviews for the flick were pretty favorable, which probably means that viewers ignored the hinted romantic ending and imagined Dr. Pinkus was forever the "best pal" while Téa was whisked away by a more handsome and less irritating leading man. Like, oh, I dunno, David Duchovny in Ghost Town II: The (Se)X-Files??
1. Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey in Fools Gold
Wait, was Matthew McConaughey actually in this movie? I thought it was the next step in Japanese robotics -- a giant Hollywood actor replica sex toy (um, can someone please make that, because I would buy). Sorry, Kate dear, but McConaughey's wooden performance as the annoyingly shallow, treasure-hunting man-boy Finn didn't convince anyone that he had the hots for you, not even when you supposedly had soul-damning angry hate sex in the basement of a church. Amen!
source::heartlesscoll.com
Him avoiding relationship talk, feigning nausea after a baby vomits, and knocking boots with his girlfriend after calling her a bitch, I buy. Her playing board games and wanting a baby, I believe. These two surviving as a couple? Hell. Freakin'. No.
0 comments